The Super Smash Brothers Sports Academy!
by Hoogiman
Summary: The Academy, a small meek residence that contains superb sporting facilities, for the enjoyment of the Smashers! They have so much fun there as they can move around at their free will, and THEY DON’T GET VIOLENTLY TORTURED IF THEY ATTEMPT TO LEAVE!
1. Initiation

**The Super Smash Brothers Sports Academy!  
By Hoogiman**

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from the game, Super Smash Brothers. They are the property of Nintendo, so please do not sue.

Gold Stars:

…

None, you're not special! Read Joeb's stories if you want to be treated like four year old children, and participate in some lame manual 'Gold Star' scoring system that does absolutely nothing whatsoever to enhance the quality of the story except bump up the word count. LEAVE NOW IF YOU ONLY WANT TO READ FICS FOR GOLD STAR CRAP!

…

…

Well that was an awful idea. No one is reading from this point on, are they? Well, I'll start.

Author's Note: This is so dry, I don't think it even deserves a 'humour' label. Oh well, I shall anyway.

**Chapter One: The Initiation**

"Hey Smashers!" said Master Hand, floating in, smiling (1).

"Hi!" said all of the Smashers in unison.

"Well, I've got some good news for you!" said Master Hand.

"What is it?" said Roy (2).

"You are, from now on, going to participate in team sports for no apparent reason!" said Master Hand.

Master Hand paused.

"Not because of the author's obvious lack of ideas!" said Master Hand.

Everybody cheered.

"I want to play volleyball!" said Yoshi.

"I want to play hockey!" said Mr. Game and Watch.

"I want to play bingo!" said Peach.

Nobody laughed.

"Aww," said Peach, "Nobody laughed at my joke."

"Nobody laughs at your jokes!" said Bowser, angrily, "In fact, I don't even know why you assume yourself as the comedic relief, because you're not funny! You're dry, and absolutely unoriginal!" said Bowser angrily. "I am going to stab you the next time you make an awful joke!"

"Nobody would want to stab the great, Princess Peach!" said Peach.

Bowser stabbed Peach to death.

"Ow," said Peach. "At least I can say this witty anecdote in my last words!"

Bowser stomped on Peach's skull several times, to ensure that no more lame puns would come out.

"Well, you can play any sport that you want, as long as the author has writer's block, and has to keep updating this shoddy story!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

"But there is a twist," said Crazy Hand, crazily, floating into the room. "If any of you **ever **stuff up or lose, you shall be crushed to death!"

Crazy Hand cackled evilly.

Link gasped.

"Master Hand, do you authorise this?" asked Link, disgusted.

"Of course! The sadistic television viewers, including me will love this stuff that is torturous for the contestants!" said Master Hand.

Link stared, disgusted.

"As if you're ever going to punish anyone who doesn't do sport!" said Captain Falcon, smirking. "I'm leaving this place, jerks!"

Captain Falcon started to walk out.

He tripped over Peach's dead body and impaled himself on a block of gelato.

"There!" said Master Hand. "You see what happens if you're not a _team player_?"

The jokes didn't get any funnier.

The author ran out of ideas.

The chapter ended.

**Unnecessary Footnotes, which don't actually add to the enjoyment of the story for readers:**

1) You could put after that, 'even though he was not capable of smiling, because he is a hand'!1 Pretty funny stuff, huh? No, of course not, that's why I never put in that stupid gag there.

2) You could have just as easily put in anyone else's name there, but Roy is like, a fangirl magnet. So hopefully they shall review/favourite when Roy gets a mention. I hope.


	2. POISON BALL!

**The Super Smash Brothers Sports Academy!  
By Hoogiman**

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from the game, Super Smash Brothers. They are the property of Nintendo, so please do not sue.

Gold Stars:

Okay, last time I didn't give out any gold stars, so nobody read it. So here we go. Okay, keep tally!

You get one gold star if you read the chapter…

You get two gold stars if you don't realise that this is a trick where you can type random sentences to get the word count up.

You get no gold stars if you do realise that this is a trick where you can type random sentences to get the word count up.

Oh, did I say that you get two gold stars if you don't realise that this is a trick where you can type random sentences to get the word count up?

Author's Note: This is so dry, you could literally put a wet sponge on the story, and it would all be sucked up.

**Chapter Two: POISON BALL!1**

"For your first game of doom!" laughed Crazy Hand, crazily, "I shall make you play Poison Ball!"

Crazy Hand cackled evilly.

"Oh, I'm so scared," said Captain Falcon.

"You should be!" chuckled Crazy, "There is a punishment if you get hit!"

"Ooh," said Captain Falcon sarcastically. "I'm so scared."

"Let's play!" said Crazy Hand, drawing a rectangle with chalk.

Crazy Hand rolled the giant ball along the ground.

All of the Smashers avoided it, while Captain Falcon stood still, sceptically.

"Get out of the way! You won't like it!" laughed Crazy Hand, as the ball rolled slowly towards Falcon.

"Pfft, yeah right? What's the poison ball going to do? Poison me?" laughed Falcon.

The ball touched Falcon's leg.

Because of the fatal properties of the rubber ball, a lethal injection of poison was injected into Falcon's bloodstream.

He died.

The smashers panicked.

"Get it? Poison ball?" asked Crazy Hand.

Nobody laughed.

"Why isn't anyone laughing?" asked Crazy Hand.

"I think the smashers are too busy trying to **FRIGGIN' RUN FOR THEIR LIVES AND AVOID A CERTAIN AND PAINFUL DEATH** to your joke," said Master Hand.

"Oh (1)," said Crazy Hand.

Crazy Hand picked up the ball, and threw it into the square.

The smashers ran away, evading the ball's path.

"See? This isn't so hard!" said Link, "We just evade the ball, and we don't die!"

"What if I make it, Poison Water bombs?" laughed Crazy Hand, "And I trap us all in this enclosure?"

"NUUEZ!1" screamed everyone.

"Well, that's a stupid idea," said Link, "Because if you do that, some might hit you!"

"But I took the antidote!" said Crazy Hand.

"Really? Antidote? Where can I find some?" asked Link.

"Right here, on the ground!" said Crazy Hand, dropping a needle, "First one that gets it, gets immunity!"

All of the smashers raced to the needle. Eventually, it turned out to become one giant brawl, and almost everyone died. Yadda yadda long descriptive fight scene.

Now there was only one Smasher left standing.

"Yes! I survive!" said a triumphant Bowser, waving his fists in the air.

"Congratulations," said Crazy Hand.

"Er… thanks?" asked Bowser, injecting himself in the arm.

"But… that injection was actually full of poison!" cackled Crazy Hand evilly.

"NUUEZ!1" said Bowser, dying.

…

…

"You killed all of the smashers!" said Master Hand, angrily. "What an inhumane, cruel act!"

"Sorry," said Crazy Hand.

"I said only to kill the unpopular characters!" said Master Hand angrily.

"Sorry," said Crazy Hand.

"Oh well, hopefully all of the characters will come back alive due to continuity errors."

EDN.

**Unnecessary Footnotes, which don't actually add to the enjoyment of the story for readers:**

1) Would you take my excuse of this being a tool to get the word count up? See, I told you this was dry.


End file.
